Dale Carnegie published How to Win Friends and Influence People in 1936.
Nearly a century later, some of its basic ideas remain surprisingly relevant to high school.
Take a genuine interest in other people.
Listen.
Show appreciation.
Avoid unnecessary arguments.
Make other people feel respected.
Carnegie was writing about human relationships, not Algebra II. But there is an important lesson students can take from his philosophy:
Your teachers are human beings, and the relationships you build with them can affect your experience in their classrooms.
That doesn't mean flattering teachers for better grades.
A good relationship cannot substitute for learning the material, and a teacher shouldn't give a student an A simply because they like them.
But teachers do make judgment calls.
They give feedback. They answer questions. They evaluate essays and projects. They respond to requests for extensions. They write recommendation letters. They decide how to help a struggling student.
And occasionally, a student finishes the semester with an 89.4 percent and wonders whether that becomes an A.
Relationships matter.
So here's our student version of Carnegie's classic:
How to Win Teachers and Influence Your Grades
1. Say Hello
This may be the easiest strategy on the list.
Walk into class and say:
“Good morning, Mr. Thompson.”
When you leave:
“Thanks. Have a good weekend.”
That's it.
Teachers interact with dozens or even hundreds of students. A student who consistently acknowledges them starts becoming familiar.
You don't need to become your teacher's best friend.
Just treat them like a person.
Those tiny interactions accumulate over an entire school year.
2. Participate Before You Need Something
Imagine two students.
Student A rarely participates, doesn't ask questions, occasionally misses assignments, and barely interacts with the teacher.
Three days before grades close:
“Is there anything I can do to raise my grade?”
Student B isn't necessarily the strongest student academically, but they participate. They ask questions. They attend review sessions. They correct mistakes.
Then Student B asks:
“I'm trying to finish the semester strong. Is there anything you'd recommend I focus on before the final?”
Those conversations feel very different.
Student B has established something important:
Credibility.
Don't wait until you need something to demonstrate that you care.
3. Ask Better Questions
Teachers generally appreciate students who ask questions.
But there is a difference between:
“I don't get it.”
and:
“I understand how you got through the first two steps, but I don't understand why you distributed the negative here.”
There's also a difference between:
“Why did you take points off?”
and:
“Could you show me what was missing from my explanation so I don't make the same mistake next time?”
Specific questions communicate:
I've been paying attention.
I've already tried.
I want to understand.
That makes it much easier for a teacher to help you.
4. Show Your Teacher That You Use Their Feedback
Suppose your English teacher returns an essay and writes:
“You need to explain more clearly how your evidence supports your argument.”
Most students look at the grade.
Then the essay disappears into their backpack.
Instead, make the next essay noticeably better.
Or ask:
“You mentioned that I needed more analysis on my last essay. I tried to improve that here. Does this paragraph do a better job?”
Teachers spend enormous amounts of time giving feedback.
When a student actually uses it, the teacher notices.
You're no longer asking:
“How do I get more points?”
You're asking:
“How do I get better?”
Ironically, that question often leads to more points.
5. Ask for Help Before You're Failing
Many students treat teacher office hours like an academic emergency room.
They only show up after something has gone terribly wrong.
Don't wait.
If you missed a few homework problems, ask about them.
If the first week of a new unit isn't clicking, say something.
If you received a disappointing quiz grade, ask to review your mistakes.
A ten minute conversation today can prevent weeks of confusion.
It also establishes something with your teacher:
You're willing to take responsibility when you don't understand something.
6. Don't Hide From a Bad Grade
Students often do exactly the opposite of what would help them.
They receive a 62 on a test.
They're embarrassed.
So they avoid the teacher, shove the test into their backpack, and hope nobody mentions it.
Try going toward the problem instead.
“Could I come by sometime this week and go over what I missed? I want to understand it before we move on.”
That sentence changes the story.
The grade no longer says:
“This student doesn't care.”
It says:
“This student struggled and is trying to fix it.”
Those are very different things.
7. Own Your Mistakes
This may be one of the most Carnegie like principles on the list.
Suppose you forgot an assignment.
You could say:
“Canvas didn't remind me.”
“I didn't know it was due.”
“My friend said it was due tomorrow.”
Or you could say:
“I missed the deadline. That's on me. I know the late policy, but is there any chance I can still submit it for partial credit?”
The teacher may still say no.
But you've made it much easier for them to say yes.
You aren't arguing.
You aren't blaming anyone.
You're taking responsibility and making a respectful request.
That earns respect.
8. Ask Before You Argue
Imagine receiving a test back and believing something was graded incorrectly.
Your instinct might be:
“You marked this wrong, but my answer is right.”
Maybe you're correct.
But try:
“Could you help me understand why I lost points here? I thought I was using the method we practiced.”
Now you have a conversation instead of a confrontation.
Maybe you discover that you were wrong.
Maybe the teacher realizes that they were wrong.
Either way, you've approached the situation respectfully.
One of Carnegie's central ideas was that winning an argument often doesn't accomplish as much as we think.
School provides plenty of examples.
Ask before you accuse.
9. Don't Make Every Conversation About Points
Teachers can tell when a student only cares about the grade.
“Is this graded?”
“Will this be on the test?”
“Can I get extra credit?”
“Can you round my grade?”
Grades matter. Students should care about them.
But occasionally ask something because you're actually curious.
“Why does that happen?”
“Is this how people actually use calculus?”
“What happens if we change this variable?”
You don't need to pretend every class fascinates you.
But when something genuinely interests you, show it.
Teachers generally enjoy teaching students who appear interested in learning.
10. Show Genuine Appreciation
Don't flatter your teacher.
Thank them when they actually help you.
“The way you explained that with the diagram finally made it click.”
“That review sheet was really helpful.”
“Thanks for staying after and helping me.”
These are small interactions.
But teachers hear plenty of complaints.
Genuine appreciation stands out.
And there's a lesson here that extends far beyond school:
People remember how you make them feel.
11. Communicate Early
Suppose you have a major tournament this weekend and a project due Monday.
You know this on Wednesday.
Talk to the teacher on Wednesday.
“I have a tournament all weekend, so I'm trying to get ahead on the project. I wanted to make sure I understand the expectations before I leave.”
Compare that with Monday:
“I couldn't finish because I had a tournament.”
Same situation.
Completely different impression.
The first communicates responsibility.
The second sounds like an excuse.
When possible, communicate before the problem happens.
12. Be Someone Who Follows Through
If you tell a teacher:
“I'll bring it tomorrow,”
bring it tomorrow.
If you say you're going to correct your mistakes, do it.
If you schedule a time to meet, show up.
Reliability builds trust.
And trust matters because school inevitably creates situations where teachers don't have complete information.
Maybe you genuinely forgot something.
Maybe the file really didn't upload.
Maybe something unusual happened.
A teacher who has watched you behave responsibly for six months has context.
You've built a reputation.
That reputation can work for you.
Can a Good Relationship With Your Teacher Actually Affect Your Grade?
Potentially, yes.
But not because your teacher should give you points for being likable.
Consider all the areas of school that involve some degree of human judgment:
Essays.
Projects.
Presentations.
Participation.
Partial credit.
Late work.
Revisions.
Extensions.
Recommendation letters.
Borderline semester grades.
Teachers still have to follow school policies and grading standards.
But even when a teacher cannot change your grade, the relationship can affect something arguably more valuable:
How much support you receive while earning it.
A teacher who knows you're invested may spend extra time explaining your mistake.
They may recommend a resource.
They may tell you what you should focus on.
They may encourage you to come in for additional help.
They may notice you're falling behind before the situation becomes serious.
That's not favoritism.
That's what can happen when a student develops a productive relationship with an educator.
What About the 89.4 Percent?
Let's address the scenario students really care about.
You finish the semester with an 89.4 percent.
Will having a good relationship with your teacher turn it into an A?
Maybe.
Maybe not.
Some teachers and schools have strict policies.
An 89.4 is an 89.4.
Others may have some discretion.
If discretion exists, consider these two students.
Student A has missed assignments, rarely participated, ignored opportunities to correct mistakes, and suddenly appears on the final day asking:
“Can you round my grade?”
Student B has participated, sought help, responded to feedback, improved, and consistently demonstrated that they care about the course.
The teacher still doesn't owe Student B an A.
But if the teacher is permitted to consider the broader picture, Student B has given them considerably more evidence to consider.
The lesson isn't:
Be nice so teachers give you free points.
It's:
Build a semester of evidence that you care about your learning.
Don't Fake It
Teachers are people.
They're also pretty good at recognizing when a student suddenly becomes extremely friendly three days before grades close.
The Carnegie approach works best when it's genuine.
Say hello because it's courteous.
Ask questions because you want to understand.
Thank your teacher because they helped you.
Use feedback because you want to improve.
Take responsibility because that's what responsible people do.
The positive relationship becomes a consequence of those behaviors.
Not a trick.
Parents: Let Your Student Build the Relationship
Parents often see an academic problem and immediately want to email the teacher.
Sometimes that's necessary.
But especially in middle and high school, first ask:
“Have you talked to your teacher?”
Help your student figure out what to say.
Help them write the email.
Encourage them to attend office hours.
But when appropriate, let them initiate the conversation.
A teenager who learns how to approach a teacher, explain a problem, ask for clarification, and advocate respectfully is learning something much bigger than Algebra II.
Someday the teacher becomes:
A professor.
A supervisor.
A manager.
A client.
A colleague.
The interpersonal skill remains remarkably similar.
The Bottom Line
Students spend hundreds of hours with their teachers every school year.
Yet many barely develop relationships with them.
That's a missed opportunity.
So borrow a few principles from Dale Carnegie.
Show genuine interest.
Listen.
Avoid unnecessary arguments.
Show appreciation.
Admit when you're wrong.
Make people feel respected.
Then add a few specifically for school.
Participate before you need something.
Ask specific questions.
Use feedback.
Communicate early.
Take responsibility.
Follow through.
Ask for help before you're failing.
Do those things consistently and something important happens.
Your teacher stops seeing you as simply another name in the gradebook.
They know who you are.
They know how you work.
They know that you care.
That doesn't guarantee an A.
It shouldn't.
But it can give you a much better relationship with one of the people most capable of helping you earn one.
And that's the real secret behind how to win teachers and influence your grades.
